The other night was so sweet. Jeremy wasn’t home, so I brought Bailey back to the apartment with me.

Heat was up. Grinch was on. Bailey was snuggly.

I love that dog so much, I don’t know what my world will be like when he’s gone. True love is that of a dog.

I hate being single. I fucking hate it. Everyone around me is in a relationship, and I want it so bad. It pisses me the fuck off that I can’t seem to find it, and I don’t understand why. It’s not that I can’t get someone decent to date me or like me, because I can. It’s just never, ever mutual. If I want them, they don’t want me. If they want me, I don’t want them. I don’t get it. It’s stupid as shit. I don’t want to push it and pressure it, but you always hear that the more you try, the farther away you get. I hate feeling helpless, if I want it, I should be able to go out and get it, no? Fuckin’ shit man, fuckin’ shit.

Another one bites the dust. Damnit.

I went in today to Sky Hi Bar and Grill to apply, and scored myself a new job. After all that whining, things came together. Yesterday I was given lemons, today, I’m makin’ lemonade.

I feel like puking. I got fired from my job of a year and a half at Applebees tonight. Undercover minors were sat in my section, I was dumb enough to not card them. When I came back from the table they were gone, and a police officer in their place. I go to court in January, but I’m less concerned about that, and more concerned about the fact that I don’t get to return back to a job I loved. It happened so fast, and it feels so surreal. I keep replaying it over, and over again in my head. The more I do, the more I regret it. It was stupid, beyond stupid. I take full responsibility, it was my fault and no one else’s. Though I will say, those little minor fuckers have quite a lot of nerve with that as a job. What a shitty fucking thing to do to someone, tricky little bastards. This isn’t something I can “feel better” about, it’s something that is just going to take acceptance and time. This losing of a job kind of stuff usually has a hint, or a working up to, like you know it’s coming. But this feels like a break-up out of nowhere. I feel decieved. Like some mean, hateful person just came into my life to set me up. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened. My manager was more than kind about it, stating that this was  the “most difficult thing he’s had to do as a manager”. Hearing that was nice, having to hear it sucked. Tomorrow, I look for other jobs.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with him. Forever in the next. Amen.

Dare I do it? Dare I bring it up in a post, make it known. I’ve only told one person, its not the biggest deal ever, but it is for a typically lonely person. I met someone, and so far it looks promising. Since the first day we met, we saw each other every day because we both wanted to. Yesterday was the first day we didnt see each other, which will, sadly, continue into today, and tomorrow. Concert with him on Wednesday. I don’t want to jinx it, which is my biggest fear. Not that I’m in love with this guy already, by any means. This just feels so natural, and for the first time in a long time I’m not concerned about the fact that he will stop talking to me out of the bumfuck-blue (knock on wood). I have criteria, okay? And this one has it met. Not falling too hard, too fast, just excited. I didn’t think this would happen for me. I realize, we still have no title, but I think we will. Either way, it’s so nice to know that it wasn’t me. The whole time, it’s not me. And he’s so cute, stupid as I may sound, I feel lucky. A little nervous, why me? But still, lucky it’s me.

My birthday kind of sucked. I meant to say something about that. Everyone just seemed too busy, and my birthday was kind of kicked back into the back of everyone’s minds. I got a couple really sweet voicemails from my Grandma Meme, that day and the following that just made my eyes well up. Only because she knows how I was feeling without ever having spoken to me about it. I love her, I want to be just like her.

I have been happy lately, though. Blame it on the new guy, I don’t really care what it is attributed to. It’s a nice change of pace. I feel eager and excited all the time. Something to look forward to. Also, as mentioned before, discovering new music is a great feeling. Note to self: if you ever come back and read these, and have gotten completely lost in the world, having forgotten about the feeling of good old loud ass music to heal.. rediscover it. It will save you.